This is a list of the Celebrities I would like to fight if i could, and why:
1. Clint Eastwood- because he could beat the crap out of me and i would cherish the memory of a legend giving me a broken nose.
2. Scientology- I'm not sure how this would be done, but i'm sure their lawyers could set something up.
3. Gary Busey- It would be interesting...
4. Every person in high fashion, the tabloids, and the E network: If you don't know why, than you're probably one of them
5. sanjaya - That kid from american idol that everyone in america wanted to teabag for being a tool.
6. Tyra Banks- i would sell my soul to cold cock her strait in the face for being...her
7. Katherine Mcfee- because we would have to "kiss and make up" as the saying goes.
8. Will ferrel- because it would be hilarious somehow
9. Paris Hilton, Al Sharpton- for being douchebags
10. Carlos Mencia- for thinking he is funny
11. Michael Moore
I could go on a long time...
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Monday, May 19, 2008
confused and frustrated
Women...am I right guys? haha. basically my plan these days is to wait for a girl to slap me and say "when are you going to ask me out?" I just can't read signals very well, and that is probably what it will take. Actually, i think that I am able to read signals that girls send me, but I tend not to want to believe the ones they all send me.
I am incredibly "trigger shy" on asking girls on dates, or anything like that. Why? It's pretty obvious I would hope. I have been riding a wave of confidence up until very recently, and i hope that I can get it back, because it feels good not feeling like a loser.
Anyway, why am i writing this? I'm writing this because I can not go to sleep and really need to put my thoughts on proverbial paper. I don't ever want to ask a girl on a date again, EVER. Every time in my life I've committed to something like that things never went well. Alternately every time I just did my own thing and just didn't do that things seemed better.
The truth is that I am impatient, and anxious. Things seemed better because i was playing it safe and therefore not getting rejected. On the other hand at that rate I will never get anywhere.
have a good night, this is why I can't sleep tonight
I am incredibly "trigger shy" on asking girls on dates, or anything like that. Why? It's pretty obvious I would hope. I have been riding a wave of confidence up until very recently, and i hope that I can get it back, because it feels good not feeling like a loser.
Anyway, why am i writing this? I'm writing this because I can not go to sleep and really need to put my thoughts on proverbial paper. I don't ever want to ask a girl on a date again, EVER. Every time in my life I've committed to something like that things never went well. Alternately every time I just did my own thing and just didn't do that things seemed better.
The truth is that I am impatient, and anxious. Things seemed better because i was playing it safe and therefore not getting rejected. On the other hand at that rate I will never get anywhere.
have a good night, this is why I can't sleep tonight
Friday, May 16, 2008
My mood...
I was thinking tonight about how being bi-polar has affected who I am. I am a very sensitive person, and also think differently that most guys. When I watch The Notebook I don't just cry i bawl, and it affects my mood, making me feel romantic(or sad if I feel like love won't happen to me) for a couple of days.
There are a handful for movies that do that to me to different degrees, but VERY few books have given me that "awwwwww" feeling so bad that I want to cry. That feeling at the end of The Notebook when Noah tells her that their love can do anything; the feeling you get when in that moment you know for a fact that love CAN do anything, and lasts forever as well.
There are a couple of Jane Austin's works that do that for me to some degree, as well as one of my fantasy series written by Elizabeth Haydon (no way a guy could write a book that evokes that emotion besides Nicholas Sparks). A few moments in the Book of Mormon have made me cry, but that was more from feeling the spirit.
Recently I read the book Twilight, and yeah, I cried for sure. I am re-reading right now at a much slower pace to really be able to feel is deeply. This process includes an ipod playlist simply titled "Love." On my second read-through I am 280 pages in, and I find myself drawing odd parallels between Edward and myself. I feel like I think like his character, at least romantically. I have that craving of adventure, like driving fast etc. The one major thing that struck me is when Bella wonders why Edward loves her and he thinks she is so amazingly special. I find myself thinking that about a lot of girls. How amazingly special and beautiful they are in my eye when i see other guys looking at some fake-n-bake blonde that thinks a good read is a maxim article while she is getting her nails done.
Anyway, I'm rambling, but my point is I am really figuring out just how sensitive I am and how my bipolar disorder could be the best thing that ever happened to me.
There are a handful for movies that do that to me to different degrees, but VERY few books have given me that "awwwwww" feeling so bad that I want to cry. That feeling at the end of The Notebook when Noah tells her that their love can do anything; the feeling you get when in that moment you know for a fact that love CAN do anything, and lasts forever as well.
There are a couple of Jane Austin's works that do that for me to some degree, as well as one of my fantasy series written by Elizabeth Haydon (no way a guy could write a book that evokes that emotion besides Nicholas Sparks). A few moments in the Book of Mormon have made me cry, but that was more from feeling the spirit.
Recently I read the book Twilight, and yeah, I cried for sure. I am re-reading right now at a much slower pace to really be able to feel is deeply. This process includes an ipod playlist simply titled "Love." On my second read-through I am 280 pages in, and I find myself drawing odd parallels between Edward and myself. I feel like I think like his character, at least romantically. I have that craving of adventure, like driving fast etc. The one major thing that struck me is when Bella wonders why Edward loves her and he thinks she is so amazingly special. I find myself thinking that about a lot of girls. How amazingly special and beautiful they are in my eye when i see other guys looking at some fake-n-bake blonde that thinks a good read is a maxim article while she is getting her nails done.
Anyway, I'm rambling, but my point is I am really figuring out just how sensitive I am and how my bipolar disorder could be the best thing that ever happened to me.
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Since January...
I read a hecka cool post by one of the coolest girls ever and decided to follow in her perverbial footsteps and make one just like it.
Basically before December of 2007 I was a video game junkie. I went to work, came home, and played video games too late before going to bed and going to work again. I didn't really do much else! In December I started heading back to church and trying out activities. I went to Jon Pinney's new years party, and even though i felt really out of place and intimidated I had fun. Now not even 6 months later I have somehow transformed into a social butterfly with the help of the spirit and the best friends anyone could possibly have!
I feel so stinking grateful for everyone who kept inviting me out to things even when I was a party pooper and not very social. I also am SOOOO grateful to all of the people who took me into their group and became my friends. i had never really had friends in my life before that besides one or two people. That social cushion really touched me and I felt like I owed it to everyone to become a better me. That started me on my journey of spiritual realization and happiness. I know I'm long winded, but this is so important to me!!!
Here are just the few things I can remember over the past months of amazingness:
January 08-now
-Quit World of Warcraft and never went back-that is a huge feat for those of you who may not have known me before
-Started going to Volleyball and family nights
-Quit my job repairing arcade machine where my boss hated Mormons haha
-Joined the HOB crew and felt like I wasn;t a loser for the first time in my life
-Started praying again
-felt the spirit for the first time in a long time
-Started reading and actually enjoying the scriptures after praying for help to do so
-talked to girls without freaking out (haha sad right?)
-learned that I enjoy dancing, and gradually got better and better at dancing by not caring how dumb I looked
-went from 300lb to my current weight of 245-250! Goal weight is around the 200 range...LADIES
-Started building my testimony on a foundation forged by my new experiences
-Naked Hot tubbing
-Went dirt bike riding with Jon Mcdonough. He was awesome for his first time (that's what she said!)
-Got contacts
-Bought lots of new clothes. The first time buying new clothes in like 2-3 years haha
-Built a Gaming computer that I used for gaming for a few weeks and now don't play games on haha
-Got my first cuddle, first kiss, and my first make-out in that order. It was amazing...
-Have been called a walking wikipedia too many times =)
There are so many experiences that I just can't think of but I know are there! What an amazing year this has been so far!
Basically before December of 2007 I was a video game junkie. I went to work, came home, and played video games too late before going to bed and going to work again. I didn't really do much else! In December I started heading back to church and trying out activities. I went to Jon Pinney's new years party, and even though i felt really out of place and intimidated I had fun. Now not even 6 months later I have somehow transformed into a social butterfly with the help of the spirit and the best friends anyone could possibly have!
I feel so stinking grateful for everyone who kept inviting me out to things even when I was a party pooper and not very social. I also am SOOOO grateful to all of the people who took me into their group and became my friends. i had never really had friends in my life before that besides one or two people. That social cushion really touched me and I felt like I owed it to everyone to become a better me. That started me on my journey of spiritual realization and happiness. I know I'm long winded, but this is so important to me!!!
Here are just the few things I can remember over the past months of amazingness:
January 08-now
-Quit World of Warcraft and never went back-that is a huge feat for those of you who may not have known me before
-Started going to Volleyball and family nights
-Quit my job repairing arcade machine where my boss hated Mormons haha
-Joined the HOB crew and felt like I wasn;t a loser for the first time in my life
-Started praying again
-felt the spirit for the first time in a long time
-Started reading and actually enjoying the scriptures after praying for help to do so
-talked to girls without freaking out (haha sad right?)
-learned that I enjoy dancing, and gradually got better and better at dancing by not caring how dumb I looked
-went from 300lb to my current weight of 245-250! Goal weight is around the 200 range...LADIES
-Started building my testimony on a foundation forged by my new experiences
-Naked Hot tubbing
-Went dirt bike riding with Jon Mcdonough. He was awesome for his first time (that's what she said!)
-Got contacts
-Bought lots of new clothes. The first time buying new clothes in like 2-3 years haha
-Built a Gaming computer that I used for gaming for a few weeks and now don't play games on haha
-Got my first cuddle, first kiss, and my first make-out in that order. It was amazing...
-Have been called a walking wikipedia too many times =)
There are so many experiences that I just can't think of but I know are there! What an amazing year this has been so far!
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Goal updates...
on my first post of this blog I listed my status in many areas in life as well as put down goals for myself for this year. I figured enough things had changed for me to update the list!
Book of Mormon Reading: (in mosiah last post) In Helaman, also been reading gospel principles book.
Weight: (260 last post) 245, this post
Education: AA Computer Science, AA in Networking very close
Job: It's complicated
Testimony: Strong testimony of service, the benefits of worthy friends, Prayer, reading the scriptures, the atonement is real, Christ lives and is our redeemer, the Holy Ghost is real and is the only way for us to realize truths and gain a testimony, eternal marriage is real and is part of eternal life, I know when I am feeling the spirit, and can feel when others are as well. The things we do every day change how we feel the spirit. When we are doing really well and are making spiritual breakthroughs satan will throw things in our path to shake us. The leaders of our church truly are inspired. The Book of Mormon is another testament of Jesus Christ and is all written by prophets inspired by God. The Book of Mormon is hecka awesome and if we pray for it God will help us to read and understand and enjoy it! If you give yourself time and opportunity to read the scriptures the Lord will help you to love the scriptures. belief begets faith. Faith begets action. Action begets knowledge through the Holy Ghost.
Languages known: English, Jive(just kidding)
Dating Status: lots of fish in the see. (had first cuddle, first kiss, and first make-out and it was amazing. I was told I was really good, we'll have to see if that holds true, but I have confidence that it will *wink*)
I have marked off the ones i have "accomplished" with ******.
Goals for the coming year: learn Italian, (go to the temple)-almost ready, obtain AA in networking, obtain A+ certification, obtain MCSE certification, learn all I can through work, find a job, save enough money to buy a new car, *start on my BA courses*, throw a party, *make my first kiss a special one*, *get used to contact lenses*, play guitar hero on hard, *read the Book of Mormon* (not all the way done, but I read it a lot), *add as much as I can to my testimony*, *make a girl feel beautiful* (i know of a couple, but I hope there have been lots, because there are so many of you that deserve to feel this way!!!) , *make a new friend* (for real, tons), *make an impact on someone's life*, *seek missionary experiences* (like many of the ones I have checked off I will not stop in this task), *take more pictures of myself and my friends*, *lose weight* (still have 40-50 lbs to go!!!), *go on my first date and make it special as well* (it was special, and I plan many more in the future. watch out ladies, I don't play around with dates), plan a singles camping trip, *see a movie that inspires me* (HEEEECK YES!), *find a new music artist that inspires me* (I've found a few new artists that I love), *write a short story* (written a bunch actually. I just wish someone wanted to read them...), *write a poem* (I'm not very good at poems but I still try), *follow the tao of steve*
So as you can see there are many things I have checked off, and most of them are things that I will try to keep doing while I work on my other goals. I was pretty scarce on details on these, so ask away. Remember I am a totally open book.
Book of Mormon Reading: (in mosiah last post) In Helaman, also been reading gospel principles book.
Weight: (260 last post) 245, this post
Education: AA Computer Science, AA in Networking very close
Job: It's complicated
Testimony: Strong testimony of service, the benefits of worthy friends, Prayer, reading the scriptures, the atonement is real, Christ lives and is our redeemer, the Holy Ghost is real and is the only way for us to realize truths and gain a testimony, eternal marriage is real and is part of eternal life, I know when I am feeling the spirit, and can feel when others are as well. The things we do every day change how we feel the spirit. When we are doing really well and are making spiritual breakthroughs satan will throw things in our path to shake us. The leaders of our church truly are inspired. The Book of Mormon is another testament of Jesus Christ and is all written by prophets inspired by God. The Book of Mormon is hecka awesome and if we pray for it God will help us to read and understand and enjoy it! If you give yourself time and opportunity to read the scriptures the Lord will help you to love the scriptures. belief begets faith. Faith begets action. Action begets knowledge through the Holy Ghost.
Languages known: English, Jive(just kidding)
Dating Status: lots of fish in the see. (had first cuddle, first kiss, and first make-out and it was amazing. I was told I was really good, we'll have to see if that holds true, but I have confidence that it will *wink*)
I have marked off the ones i have "accomplished" with ******.
Goals for the coming year: learn Italian, (go to the temple)-almost ready, obtain AA in networking, obtain A+ certification, obtain MCSE certification, learn all I can through work, find a job, save enough money to buy a new car, *start on my BA courses*, throw a party, *make my first kiss a special one*, *get used to contact lenses*, play guitar hero on hard, *read the Book of Mormon* (not all the way done, but I read it a lot), *add as much as I can to my testimony*, *make a girl feel beautiful* (i know of a couple, but I hope there have been lots, because there are so many of you that deserve to feel this way!!!) , *make a new friend* (for real, tons), *make an impact on someone's life*, *seek missionary experiences* (like many of the ones I have checked off I will not stop in this task), *take more pictures of myself and my friends*, *lose weight* (still have 40-50 lbs to go!!!), *go on my first date and make it special as well* (it was special, and I plan many more in the future. watch out ladies, I don't play around with dates), plan a singles camping trip, *see a movie that inspires me* (HEEEECK YES!), *find a new music artist that inspires me* (I've found a few new artists that I love), *write a short story* (written a bunch actually. I just wish someone wanted to read them...), *write a poem* (I'm not very good at poems but I still try), *follow the tao of steve*
So as you can see there are many things I have checked off, and most of them are things that I will try to keep doing while I work on my other goals. I was pretty scarce on details on these, so ask away. Remember I am a totally open book.
Sunday, May 11, 2008
seriously...is this for real?
I just pinched myself and it indeed IS real. What a weekend! I'm so happy.
Thursday, May 1, 2008
the best day in a long time
We all have good times and bad times. We have amazing days and days where we hit rock bottom. Today was truly amazing, but in a different tradition of the definition of "good" by me, and most of the people I know, with maybe an exception for my best friend.
Alright so let me break down my day for you all. First I got home at 1 AM (technically part of "today" haha) and read about 10 chapters in Alma before I went to sleep. It was unfortunate that I didn't finish up Alma, but I did it a few hours ago. YAY!
Next I slept until 9ish AM and went to institute. Institute was friggin awesome, and I even got in a game of ping pong and realized how long it has been since i took a math class... On the way home I picked up a pizza and a 2 liter of mountain dew determined to do something profound for the rest of the day(and of course only pizza and mountain dew could provide sustinance for said profoundness). I got home and started watching talks from TED.com while I ate my pizza. That started around 2:00. Here is where I break into a ROUGH timeline...
3:00: I poured my 4th cup of mountain dew, drank it and went to the bathroom.
3:30: I finished a talk on a startlingly simple(not sarcasm) idea to create artificial inteligence, and how close we are to being able to do it, and what implications it would have on our society.
3:31: I started watching "O Brother Where art thou" with my brother but the missionaries came over and asked him to go on splits with them.
3:50: a plate of doritos and a huge glass of water in hand I ventured back to TED.com with a couple breaks to chat on facebook, a break to play 3 guitar hero 3 songs, a break to lift weights briefly, and, of course, a break to get more doritos and pour myself some mountain dew.
Sometime after 3:50: I took a break to finish up Alma and listen to jack Johnson.
Also sometime after the time after 3:50 listed above: (did I confuse you? good) I watched more movies from TED.com.
basically I started the day with a spiritual high, than sleep, than spiritual and social high, than killer food. Than I continually blew my mind, chatted with girls(don't be jealous because i was chatting with girls online ALL DAY...), and blew my mind again, and again all day. Put that in your "I had an awesome day" pipe and smoke it!
Alright so let me break down my day for you all. First I got home at 1 AM (technically part of "today" haha) and read about 10 chapters in Alma before I went to sleep. It was unfortunate that I didn't finish up Alma, but I did it a few hours ago. YAY!
Next I slept until 9ish AM and went to institute. Institute was friggin awesome, and I even got in a game of ping pong and realized how long it has been since i took a math class... On the way home I picked up a pizza and a 2 liter of mountain dew determined to do something profound for the rest of the day(and of course only pizza and mountain dew could provide sustinance for said profoundness). I got home and started watching talks from TED.com while I ate my pizza. That started around 2:00. Here is where I break into a ROUGH timeline...
3:00: I poured my 4th cup of mountain dew, drank it and went to the bathroom.
3:30: I finished a talk on a startlingly simple(not sarcasm) idea to create artificial inteligence, and how close we are to being able to do it, and what implications it would have on our society.
3:31: I started watching "O Brother Where art thou" with my brother but the missionaries came over and asked him to go on splits with them.
3:50: a plate of doritos and a huge glass of water in hand I ventured back to TED.com with a couple breaks to chat on facebook, a break to play 3 guitar hero 3 songs, a break to lift weights briefly, and, of course, a break to get more doritos and pour myself some mountain dew.
Sometime after 3:50: I took a break to finish up Alma and listen to jack Johnson.
Also sometime after the time after 3:50 listed above: (did I confuse you? good) I watched more movies from TED.com.
basically I started the day with a spiritual high, than sleep, than spiritual and social high, than killer food. Than I continually blew my mind, chatted with girls(don't be jealous because i was chatting with girls online ALL DAY...), and blew my mind again, and again all day. Put that in your "I had an awesome day" pipe and smoke it!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)